being the first child to parents of 4 means i've to chiong & work harder, be more matured, understanding & sensible. cuz there are 3 more younger ones behind me plus mom's a housewife. expenses are high.

it's so hard.
but i just have to.
dad barely made enough to make ends meet,
so they're hoping i'll study hard & come out to work soon so that younger siblings can have better lives.
so i've got to strive harder.

life is never fair, i told myself.

mom knows bout how i feel.
all she tell me was,
you learn thru the hard way, you get more experience compare to the younger ones.
that's your plus point.

am i suppose to disagree or what?

i dun deny, i always compare us to my friends.
mom will always quietly say..
all their siblings are working/big enough alr/ they've lesser children thus their parents can afford more for each of them/their parents are capable.

what can i say?

i'm matured enough now to not rebutt my mom by saying you shld have lesser children last time/ you shldnt have me.

i work, i gain exp, i cant have extra allowance now and then.
but mom tell me i cant complain.
cuz i'm the eldest.

eldest eldest eldest.
hate the word so much.
so much more to learn, so much more to understand.

hopefully, i'll be more understanding in future to come.
Ah Gong Ah Mah bless. haha