Last day of June, 6 months flew. I grew, what bout you?

I'd really wish to escape.
everyday, I'd be asking myself, what's all this for.
I feel like crying out loud;
I don't feel good.
I'm feeling so weary of trying too hard to be up to standards.
what are standards?
They are the cause of me feeling so suffocated.
I'm dying a lil bit everyday.
I hate being strong. I've to put up a pretense.
It's horrible.
I don't wna accommodate anyone including myself anymore.
my insecurities, my own standards are driving me insane.
I don't feel like myself anymore.
I feel as though, I'm living just to push my limits for better grades.
everytime, I log in sch web to check my daily grades/ UT grades.
All I hope to see are As, nothing less.
If I spot a C, I'll feel so bad.
I'm rly putting my best.
but all it seems is it's not enough.

I feel torn.
Conclusion: It's so hard to be happy not to mention to be at the top.