Reflection at Mid Year '11

It's the weekends, and  I'm feeling exceptionally tired.
June had been a very packed month and there're 6 more days to go.
I've been striving hard, revising, reflecting, pondering and of cuz.. growing up.

What have I been striving for???

I guess I'd really kinda put in efforts for UT1 which ended officially yesterday.
hopefully, results will show.
I guess it's the influence of peer pressure and competitiveness that compelled myself to study hard.
I wanna get As. I set my eyes on the As and I want them. that's what I told myself. I'm turning 18 next month, gotta have a goal right? hahaha

Next, I've been really really really striving hard to control my diet...
It's for the benefit of my health, my appearance (duh!) and to kick the bad habit of eating too much!
I do it healthily by reducing the amount of meals I've per day. Normally, I'll have 6. Now, max 4.
to add on, with given advice from a friend of mine, I abstain from food after 10pm ;)
however, once in awhile I guess, I'll pamper myself with buffets~~ Indulgence! ^^

I'm also reflecting on my behaviour.
Had I been really stubborn, bad-tempered, nonsensical and all the bad stuff you can think bout me?
I guess I'm rly sensitive these days and it's bad.
I do not know whether or not letting go of this r/s is right or wrong.
I've been brewing those negative feelings and thoughts for one month plus.
Weaving thru my frustrations, disappointments, sadness and contradiction...
I find myself stuck. yes, stuck right deep in my own emotional whirlpool.
I told myself to grow up, be sensible with the help of many others.
I gotta learn, experience and grow!

However, I couldn't bear to let go of this r/s that I fought so hard for, twice.
It's pretty tough dealing with it.
I've been trying to help others with their own emotions and 'advising' them.
ended up, I lose to myself.
I can't do what I preached.
but I guess I'm dealing it better as compared to the previous time.
I shall see how it goes...

but currently, I'm inundated with whole lots of emotions and feelings which I wish to sort them out soon.
it's never easy but I'm gonna try! we'll never know right? :)

Lastly, I really hope I'm strong and sturdy to brave thru all these.
after all, I'm Si Yun! ;) hahahaha
Cheers!